North Rim, Arizona | May 25, 2026
Just me up here. Overcast and chilly today. I didn’t make a fire or even turn on the outdoor lights last night. Got in bed early. These peaceful days are magic.
I have friends who want to come out and meet me on the road. Earlier in my van life I would have welcomed that, but right now the thought feels stressful. The van is completely full, overflowing. I have to Tetris everything in each time I move. There are very few surfaces, no room for another person’s presence without it significantly taking away from my ability to enjoy myself out here. A few years ago I had far less stuff and fewer essential systems. What seems to work well is if people get a hotel or Airbnb nearby and we meet up that way. I know that’s not the experience everybody is after, but I don’t have any room. If someone brought a single backpack it would end up on the bed or the middle of the floor.
Shannon sent a satellite message this morning. She’s on track to complete the trail and be back Tuesday late afternoon. She said it’s really difficult but awesome. The sky is dark and chilly today and I’m glad I’m not out there, though it doesn’t seem to bother her at all.
My favorite places in the van have always been the most remote spots. That’s just what I love. Backpacking is next level for that, giving you access to infinitely more of the kind of places I love. The van is the middle ground I’ve found. Not quite as remote and pristine, but all my amenities, computers, good food, and tools. I’ll backpack vicariously for now. Maybe this is more my speed. I’m pleased to be holding down the base camp.
Since my net zero carb tortillas ran out about a week ago I’ve been feeling a deeper ketosis. I’m not entirely sure I buy the net carb way of counting carbs. It feels like a borderline cheat. But I do feel the difference not eating them. There’s a distinct feeling in deep ketosis that I really love. A lean power in the body, like it’s vibrating with essential energy, like I can do just a few exercises and my body is receptive and molds like clay. I’m not describing it perfectly but that approaches what it actually feels like. My mind is working well too, firing clean. I love this feeling. I miss it when it’s gone.
Yesterday I had a heightened awareness of those out there who don’t believe in me, don’t understand what I’m doing, maybe waiting for me to fail. I don’t feel this often, but it’s probably healthy to look it in the eye from time to time. It’s a reality. But it has no bearing on anything I’m doing. I’m the one who has to live my life and face the consequences of my decisions. I trust I have the resilience to meet whatever comes. I accept people for where they are on their journey. My job is to show up and do my thing to the best of my ability. I feel like I’m just getting started, and I’ve come such a long way, and it’s beginning to take shape and amount to something. Still early days.
That said, I feel so grateful for the family and friends who truly love me and are truly supportive. I’ve been through enough to know who my people are and who aren’t. There were many times in my life when I didn’t know, and that’s a terrible and costly predicament. I don’t have that problem now. I’ve taken some heavy losses along the way. But I’m ok. Better, even. Much better.
Thanks to anybody listening to me ramble this morning. I just feel a lot of love. For this morning, for this day, for you, for this experience, for this life. I’m going to go live it. I’m living on a ledge looking down into the Grand Canyon. Incredible.
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